Some Lessons Learned in 2011

Breathing in the energy of a giant Baobab Tree in the ancient Arab city of Gede near Malijndi; Kenya. 

This year marked the 40th anniversary of my arrival in the U.S. at the age of 20.  I came to America in search of personal freedom.   I have felt free to be who I am, and live as I choose to, often outside the norms and creating a "third way" - neither typically Sri Lankan nor American, but my very own way, following my heart.   In the process, I traded in my roots for wings.

I am blessed to have people in my life who love me, support me and make my life as pleasant and comfortable as it is and those who present me with the greatest challenges.  They are all mirrors through whom I can see myself in my wholeness - beauty, grace, warts, blemishes and all.   Everyone of them is a blessing that I am grateful for - the ones who support and affirm as well as the ones who cause hurt, anger and frustration.  They all give me the opportunities to explore new ways of being, and becoming, and to bring about necessary changes in my life.  Because of these seemingly "negative" experiences, I am learning slowly but surely to:

• accept myself and others unconditionally,
• let go of expectations of myself and others.
• let go of my need to control, and to trust that all is as it is meant to be. 
• allow  consciousness rather than ego to run my life,
• respond from a place of wholeness rather than fragmentation,
• be in the moment rather than live in the past or get lost in the future.

This is not always easy for me, but it gets increasingly easier with practice.  I am learning to accept that life is not all sunshine and light - that half the day is night and that it is in the stillness and the darkness of our night that we process the experiences of the day.  I have come to appreciate darkness as much as I do light.  For it is the darkness that holds the potential of light manifestations yet unknown.  That was a big wow for me this year.

One of the greatest physical challenges I faced this year is of inflammation in my hip joint and lower back that was excruciatingly painful to the point of being barely able to move move or get out of bed for a few days.  Reflecting on the inner meaning of this pain, I became aware of the connection between the physical pain and somewhat inflammatory situations that I had been experiencing for years.  I am not generally an angry person, but I became aware that I had been carrying some anger inside me - not only my own, but also of generations of others. This year, I consciously chose to release it from my body and my life, to love and accept myself and others exactly as we are, without expecting myself and them to be who I wanted them to be, and releasing from my body the hurt and anger if they did not live upto my expectations.

 I realized that I also had expectations of myself and felt angry at myself when I fell short of them. Shortly after I made this connection, my body pains subsided significantly. I received a number of insights on how to respond to the inflammation at every level.

From my open heart at the center of my Wholeness Mandala, I am able to connect to All That Is, and see in all directions, with greater clarity, depth and perception, and to know the source of the the pain I was experiencing. Over the past few months, on a scale of 0 (best) to 10 (worst), the joint pains have gone from 8 to 1 most of the time!  In the process, I have also discovered reservoirs of patience, unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion that I never knew I had.  The pain and discomfort seems to pass through me from time to time, without lingering for long.  For these unexpected gifts of Spirit, for each moment of my life and every breath through which I share energy with All That Is on Earth and in the Universe, for all who contributed to the blessings and challenges of this year through which I have awakened to new ways of be-ing and becoming, I give thanks from the depths of my being.

As we arrive at this pivotal point of 2012, I wonder what this year will bring.  I feel the anticipation and excitement of a new dawn, with expansions of consciousness and light.  Shift is happening!!!!